It's Not a Race...But...

8:00 am -- Cup of coffee, cell phone, lap top and red desk calendar (date book)--this has become the customary way for me to start the day before I get to work and actually start the work day. Right or wrong, balanced or not--this is where it's at now.

I love my job.  There, I've said it.  I also loved being able to do so much freelance writing in a previous incarnation but, in all honesty, I don't really miss it.  That is not to say that I won't go back, or that I will always do what I do now--but for the time being 50-60 hours a week (conservative estimate) of focusing on human rights, social justice and progressive social change is more than consuming...

As my 45th birthday approaches, I have been stealing a little time to think about this idea of being "middle aged" and where I fit into the world now.  I feel like my capacity for getting work done is as large as ever, but my ability to settle down, focus and pace myself is far more developed than it was in my 20's or even 30's.  I still make mistakes or find myself trying to figure out how I can do a better job of motivating, mobilizing, or strategizing but I am no longer a young person wondering what I should be doing--the problems are clear, the solutions are not so clear, but the need for effort is obvious!

There is so much to learn in this ever-changing world--sometimes I get impatient around how slow or erratic things can be.  Alas, people don't always move at the pace or in the direction I think they should but I figure it works out fairly because I don't always move at the pace or direction other people think I should. When the thought of being 45 truly sinks in, I get a jolt of panic--there is so much more to do and so little time to do it!  I start pulling out my metaphorical pocket watch and jumping up and down like the White Rabbit: Let's go!

I have always told my kids that life is not a race and it's not.  There are things we can influence and things we cannot (I have learned that we ordinary folk have more influence than we have been led to believe, however.) I know I am extremely lucky to wake up each day with a busy calendar, a list of things to do that is longer than anything I could ever actually get done, and full life where all the pieces bump around against each other and struggle for attention, and an inspiring team of family, friends, cohorts and compadres to share in the journey.  I am reminding myself that while it may not be a race, it is perfectly okay that I get jittery, excited and eager to get off the starting blocks every day!