Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Fluctuating Guest List
The books and magazines will remind you that it is, after all, YOUR wedding and you should only invite the people you want. But that is not how it works and we all know it! There are people that each person really wants there, and there are those whom we don't--and it doesn't always work out as perfectly and cleanly as we'd like. One person may insist upon a particular guest who makes the other's skin crawl. And what in the world do we do with family? How can we invite some and not others?
Teri and I started the skeleton of our guest list last year. When we decided we were going to have the celebration and ceremony here at our home, it gave us some parameters with which to work. We figured out the optimal number of people who could comfortably fit in our garden and then decided how much we could accommodate if we need to. Having coordinated many events, I have confidence that we will be able to adjust to whatever (within reason) as our garden really is quite large and there is room for some creative rearranging. Teri's priority is that it be people who like us and people who are not going to create any drama or take away from the ease and celebration of our day.
We both started out more rigid with the idea of who and how many and it continues to fluctuate. The thing is, life does not stand still! We make new friends, acquaintances become friends, we start new jobs, those who were part of our social circle move out of it, friends choose new partners--life just moves and turns and refuses to settle into a stagnate and manageable roster.
AND, I don't care what anyone says, the decision-making does involve some worry and concern over how other people are going to feel if they are left off the list. Teri and I are both big bleeding hearts when it comes to our social leanings (she more than me, I confess) and we don't want to ostracize or hurt anyone--but that sometimes clashes with what we truly want. And, in the end, there is only so much space, so much capacity and so much budget. Sure, we both tend to be always-room-for-more kind of gals, but eventually there is a limit.
I have had to accept that the Guest List for this wedding is probably not going to reach a "final" place. Up until the very end it is going to be morphing and maneuvering and that while we are paying attention to it and tending it--I am going to have to accept there will be some organic evolution. I am somewhat comforted in knowing that anyone else who has been down this road has gone through the same thing!