The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Whose Wedding is it Anyway?

Years ago, a male friend of mine told me that a wedding is the domain of the bride.  The equal-opportunity-feminist in me argued that was some sort of cultural apathy and that it wasn't written anywhere and, if it was, how stupid.  Besides, what happens when there are NO brides?  Or TWO Brides?  What happens if they are older or their parents are deceased?  Hey, whose wedding is it anyway???

Teri and I tease each other about who is in charge in our every day life so, it stands to reason that might carry over into Wedding Planning Land.  The truth is, we have very different paces--I am all about checklists and "getting things done" while Teri is more of a wait-and-see sort of gal; she tends to wait until the spirit moves her or the time is right and then she steps in and steps up and does what needs to be done: I am a woman who is used to running meetings and keeping everyone on agenda and on schedule, while Teri would be happy as can be sitting in a classroom or doing research without having anyone tell her what to do.

While it may seem as though I have run out ahead in terms of tasks and checklists, Teri is definitely part of the process as well.  We just aren't always moving at the same pace.  I don't really want her to change and I don't think she really wants me to be someone different, so we have learned to work within the parameters of who we are: I don't miss deadlines and Teri prefers loose ones; I have to be reminded sometimes to back off and slow down while she sometimes needs to be nudged and reminded that time really is ticking by.

Just as we have from the beginning, we ARE determined to share the adventure.  This may not mean that things are always divided up and shared 50-50 (although, like any good lesbians, we are determined to try!)  The other day when I heard one of our kids talking about "Mom's wedding" I had to jump in and remind them that it is OUR wedding--both of ours--and that we are both making all the decisions and choices jointly--I may just be a little more authoritative about keeping things on task.


  1. Just to be clear, it's not that I don't think of it as both you and Teri's wedding. There are many times when I refer to it as "their wedding." However, "My mom's wedding" is as correct as "Teri's wedding" and they both mean the same thing. I'm sure you have uttered the words "My daughter's house" on occasion even though we both know that I have a roommate who also lives in the house.

    I know that you like the political correctness though and you wouldn't be the mother I love if you didn't "jump in" and demand I get my wording straight. :)

  2. "straight" wording? What is that?! You are right of course and I DO call it "Lucy's house" are correct m'lady!