The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

It just keeps getting better...

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Original, The Essential...The Guide

When Teri said "yes" and we decided to try to have "some sort of ceremony," this was the book we bought first: The New Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings.  The other night, we loaned this book to friends of ours, the Boys (yes, they refer to us as "the Girls"), who, while they have been engaged for four years, have become inspired by our wedding to move forward with planning on their own.  That's what I'm talking about!

I read this book and it got me started on the planning process; Teri read this book and she felt validated and ready to embrace the adventure and it gave her the courage to feel like she had every right to step into Wedding Land.  You see, the straight world has done a pretty darn good job of scaring off Gays and Lesbians with their customs, strict gender divisions, made-up rules and etiquette.  Well, and then there's the hate and homophobia but let's not go down that road at seven o'clock in the morning, shall we?

So, having bolstered ourselves with the fabulous information in this book (Why bother having a wedding, especially where it's not legal? and What to do with that silly piece of tissue paper in an invitation?), we were able to let it go and share with others who want to walk this path too! Everybody needs a good book or two and it sure helps to have some examples and models to pave the way for those who follow.  Teri has never really thought of herself as a trailblazer before and while there are those who have gone before US, we don't actually personally know them!

In addition to the book, we recommended the online web magazine Equally Wed to the Boys.  This isn't a print magazine (that is something I would love to see personally) but it is useful.  The site is only about a year old and it is still evolving but Teri appreciates it for the photos of "Real Weddings"--there is nothing like a deluge of constant images of young, white straight couples to make two 40+ lesbians feel invisible, so it is nice to see what real people have done with their real ceremonies.

There are not a plethora of resources out there yet for same sex couples who want to tie the knot.  There are more than there were 20 years ago, but while politicians and conservative church funders battle it out on the legal front, more and more couples like Teri and I are just deciding to move ahead with the fun and meaningful part.  I have written before about how it is still not easy or common, but each time two of us walk down the aisle, it makes it a little more normal.

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