In mid-August--almost a month ago--we celebrated the one-year anniversary of our ceremony. While we sort-of celebrated, we also breathed a big 'ole sigh of relief that this August we could do fun things like go camping and sit out in the backyard and watch our chickens run around instead of having to negotiate house guests, napkin folding and flower deliveries!
I don't know that things have changed much in the big world. We are in the midst of a jagged and polarizing election year; we are still second-class citizens (at least) when it comes to marriage equality and other basic rights and fairness issues; and the two of us are still working to carve out what is to be the culture, mission and purpose of our lives together. Some things have changed and some have not.
Our family continues to expand and contract--with 6 young adults (plus) to fuss over, we stay busy with what is a primary focus of how we are in the world. There is always room for more, but that doesn't mean that we don't get a little exhausted now and again! We are still figuring it out right along with everyone else.
What we do know better now is who we are as individuals. I definitely know Teri better and she knows me pretty darn well too. We realized after the fact that our wedding ceremony really wasn't about us. Because of who we are in the world and our queerness, our ceremony was more for everyone else. It didn't change the way we felt about ourselves or our commitment to each other (except that we realized even more awesomeness in the other), but it seemed to change the way some people could or would view us and our commitment to each other and our family--at least on a personal level. We still have to file separate federal taxes, we don't have a marriage license or certificate to file away in the fireproof lock box with our birth certificates, and we still deal with people's assumptions, misunderstandings and aggressions--and we know full well that we meet people every day who will staunchly cast votes this November to make sure that we continue to be discriminated against. On the flip side, our extended families try to remember to send birthday cards and anniversary cards and can manage to get the word "partner" out with some evolving level of comfort.
So a year has passed and rather than viewing our wedding ceremony as a life-altering event, we have it categorized away as something we did for the good of the order--on the road to becoming the comfortable couple and loving team that we are today.