The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

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Sunday, July 10, 2011

Rituals, Words and Vows

With all the fuss over tables, linens and cake recipes, it can seem like the actual "ceremony" part of the ceremony gets bumped aside. I don't think that is necessarily true in our case, it is just the part that makes both Teri and I feel the most nervous and unsure.  It is also the part that feels the most important.  As Teri likes to say, everything else is just icing on the cake.

Creating our ceremony is a place where Teri and I can be as traditional or as personal as we want--and we are probably a little of both.  It is also the place where when we start to talk about it, we get a bit anxious.  Standing up in front of everyone and letting all our gooey and serious feelings flap in the breeze is very different from the self-deprecating and authentic humor we generally use to talk about our relationship.  But, alas, that is what Weddings are all about.

My sister is officiating the ceremony for us and we have complete trust in her skills and abilities.  For those who don't know, my sister is an actor, director and theatre maven extraordinaire.  After Teri and I wrote up what we have been calling the "script" for the ceremony, I emailed it to my sister and she is the one who is going to help us turn it into reality.  As a matter of fact, later this morning we are all three getting together for brunch and notes to further craft the ceremony.  When my sister suggested it was time for us to take a meeting (silliness intended), she mentioned that she had jotted some notes on the script and it made me smile--it was comfortingly theatrical.  I trust her sense of timing, delivery and word flow.  Teri trusted me to put all our thoughts and snippets of poems and words into a ceremony script and now we trust my sister to make it into our ceremony.

We opted for no additional readers or speakers and we opted to not write individual vows.  Instead, we have created vows that we will both say--each separately and guided by my sister.  There is some ritual woven in but our goal is to keep it relatively short and with no awkward pauses or lapses.  We want flow. We want accessible language.  We want it to be personal and meaningful. And, we want to make sure everyone can hear everything. Even though we may get nervous at the thought of the actual ceremony, I do have confidence that between my sister and the musician, and amidst our team of attendants, Teri and I will be in very good hands.

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