Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Let's Talk about this Registry Stuff
It was our daughter, Lucy, who convinced us that it would be fun and make it easier for people. I think we thought that if we didn't say anything or do any of the registry stuff people would not feel obligated or even make the effort to get us gifts. Alas, we were set straight on that one! I guess it is what people do--even queermo people getting hitched these days--so we tried to put our own little spin on it even if it still makes us feel a bit uncomfortable.
We aren't really setting up house and we have both been through so many moves and a few break-ups and we've learned the best way to cope with the inevitable letting go is to just not get attached to stuff and things in the first place. Things come, things go, things break, things end up sitting on a shelf in your ex's house--ask anyone who is divorced or been through a nasty break-up and you'll hear some strong reservations about joint purchases and joint ownership. The first Christmas Teri and I spent together, we bought joint ornaments--a set of six--so that if we should split up, we could each take 3 with us! Now, granted, we have settled down a bit in terms of our fear-based need to NOT get attached to things, but the whole wedding wedding registry philosophy is an ill-fit for us.
Well, we DID go around Target (at that time, we thought they were friendly to the gays, but since then all this stuff has gone down so now we have some Target-guilt) with the zapper gun and figured out what we could actually use and enjoy. And we DID go to a local store and do an old-fashioned written-by-hand-list of stuff we would probably never actually splurge and purchase for ourselves. Then we just let the whole thing go. We don't think about it and we don't actually need anything. When it comes to Wedding Planning Land and all the other busy details of everyday life, we just don't really think about it at all. I imagine there are young couples who get married for the gifts--heck, I suppose there are old couples who get married with an eye on the gift basket too--but for Teri and I, it is all about the commitment and the party for us. We really just want people to show up and have a wonderful time and share in our big day. Besides, we each already have rolling pins we are quite attached to and we've managed to hang on to them through a few life changes.