The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

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Monday, April 4, 2011

Them's Fightin' Words!

As much as we try to be level-headed and non-emotional when it comes to moving around in the world, I am learning that both Teri and I have a tendency to be protective and reactive when it comes to perceived injustices and "attacks" from the outside.  It isn't that I really feel as though Teri needs me to stick up for her, she does a dandy job of sticking up for herself, but I do get cranky and cold when she is being criticized or treated poorly.  I am discovering that she gets pretty darn angry when she thinks I am being battered as well.

I am a fairly easy target for critics and criticism.  I have a somewhat public job--on a little scale--and as I've moved along in my career, more and more of it is about relationships and dealing with all sorts of people and their psychologies and less is actually about tasks and competency.  I vacillate between stepping into messy situations and making decisions, and listening to people tell me how they think things should have really been handled. My intentions may be decent--but that isn't always how things go down.  It is new for me to have someone in my life who gets agitated and ticked off when she thinks things are getting out of control or she thinks I am getting unfairly attacked.

As for Teri, she is not always thrilled when I get hot and angry about things going on in her world.  My desire to leap in and right the wrongs can come across as a lack of confidence in her ability to handle things on her own. We are both pretty strong-minded women.  We tend to jump into causes and challenges and assume that we will have the strength and broadness of shoulders to handle whatever comes our way.  Funny, but I don't worry so much about what is coming in my direction but I do get bothered by what is going in hers!

Recently, I have declared that I will never support an organization that I feel didn't treat her well and she has vehemently declared that she will never support someone she thinks criticized me unfairly.  We are funny, I suppose, in our protectiveness and willingness to do battle on some level, but maybe that is what is meant by having each other's backs?

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