The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

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Friday, February 11, 2011

Check! (As in “check list” and accounts payable)

Today I am asking myself why two reasonable, frugal and fiscally conservative women would embark on an adventure of expense? Having thrown a hundred parties in my life (at least), I KNOW they are a challenge of details and supplies and, yes, expense—and yet, this may just be the biggest and most emotionally weighted party of my life and I have plodded in happily and without reserve. Still, there are the lists…

There was a Facebook post on Thursday from Equally Wed asking people “what was the cost that surprised you the most?” in regard to wedding planning. It was quite timely for me because while I have been planning events for years and I’m not exactly surprised by the expenses, it is interesting to me that when I proposed to Teri, I had NO THOUGHT about having a wedding. Honestly, it didn’t even dawn on me that she might want one and I figured we would fill out all the domestic partnership registration papers, I would change my Will, Advanced Directive and other legal papers and off we’d go. When I sheepishly asked if she wanted to have a ceremony and she answered with a definitive “Yes” it was months before the reality of what that might mean sunk in.

So, here we are, 184 days from a ceremony and, so far, on schedule and on budget. As someone who creates and monitors budgets for a living as a manager of nonprofit organizations, I can assure you that there is a bit of an edge when every cent has to be earned by the individuals who are spending it. Our wedding “expense” spreadsheet does NOT have a revenue column!

I had lunch with my daughter, Lilly, yesterday and when we briefly chatted about the wedding, I said something about being mentally unprepared for the expense. The wise twenty-year-old uttered a “Duh, it’s a wedding; what did you expect?” I wanted to tell her that I didn’t expect anything because I really hadn’t let myself imagine ever getting married again because 1. I was a big queer-mo and 2. I thought I was too old and bitter for such falderal. Instead, I let her be right because I have learned that works well when communicating with young twenty-somethings.

So items are being ordered and checks are being written (well, to be honest, it is almost always about the debit card these days): paper lanterns, printed invitations, ribbons, tulle (that net-like fabric synonymous with wedding), candy, plants, flowers and seeds for the garden, wine glasses, napkins, twinkle lights, candles, thank you cards, card stock, ink pads, table linens, stamps, antique/vintage dishes, cake stands…

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