The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

It just keeps getting better...

Thursday, June 23, 2011


For many of us, family is such a complicated entity.  It is fluid, there are favorites, there are obligations and connections and unquantifiable histories.  Family is both a blessing and a challenge. Even with the very best intentions and in fairly functioning families, it is not always easy to negotiate.  And something huge like a Wedding-and something even more fraught with nuance like a lesbian Wedding--can bring out the most complicated of realities around family.

For both Teri and I, we are still evolving and unpacking all of this family stuff--even at our age.  Maybe more so at our age because family is always changing.  We have our grown kids and the families we have attempted to build with them (and those are changing too, of course, since they are off on their own adventures.) We also have our maturing relationships with our parents and siblings--some connections are close, some not so much, some are circumstantial and some historical.  It is messy and real and well, familial. We knew that family was going to be a big part of our Wedding celebration but it wasn't totally clear to us how much and who.  Where do we draw the line?  Who and what do we honor and who and what do we let go? Can we get away with just inviting immediate family--even knowing that not all can or will attend--and how do we respect family connections without exacerbating the right-wing, homophobia element?

I feel protective of our day and have since the post-proposal-let's-have-a ceremony discussions.  I am feeling even stronger surges of it now as the day rapidly approaches. As the emotions bubble to the surface, finding the strength to keep things in perspective is taking some effort.  Who supports us and who doesn't is played out quite obviously in the family realm.  We get to control our friends to some extent but family connections are messier.  Teri and I feel blessed to feel as connected as we do with our families--especially our kids, parents, sisters--we feel bolstered by the bonds and couldn't imagine our Wedding ceremony without them.  But a Wedding definitely brings realities, issues, and relationships to the surface that we may be able to bury or ignore during every day life.

No comments:

Post a Comment