The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

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Friday, June 17, 2011

It's All About Us!

I can be a bit stubborn. Enough people have reminded me that this Wedding is not about pleasing the masses and being suitable for the cover of Martha Stewart Weddings, but it IS about us. All about Us. Strange concept this self-celebration--not exactly one that is easy for me to wrap my head around.  But, alas, I think it is finally starting to sink in.

The pressure to be Poster Lesbian Couple (PLC)or keep from hurting anyone's feelings is slipping away (maybe out of self-preservation?) I can't imagine that I would ever be able to totally let go of etiquette, consideration and just the general this-is-how-it's-done-ness that I am susceptible to but I think with big events, it becomes easy for some of us to think of it as a public production instead of a personal celebration.  Fortunately, the fact that there are only fifty-some days left and only so much capacity has brought me back to the original intent of a year and a half ago: this is about Teri and me  and our intent and attempt at Happily Ever After. This journey started out with my desire to give her the ceremony and celebration she wanted and to commit on the highest possible level.

Reality check.  Heart check.

The other day, when Lucy was over here for visit, pea-harvesting, and tissue crafts, we got to talking about how a person gets to do what he or she wants at his or her wedding.  Needless to say, she seems to have a better grasp on that than her mother.  She said that she'd decided if she ever gets married and we're all still alive, she would like to have both her father and me walk her down the aisle.  I must have made some sort of a crinkle-face because she quipped: "If you can't do it gleefully, I'll have Teri stand in for you!"  After all, she added, "It will be my wedding."  Yes, of course, she's right (and Teri would do it proudly and happily and probably without making a crinkle-face.)  And so too have all the others who have looked at me encouragingly or sternly and said, this is really your wedding--it's all about you been right.  Now granted, I have also heard those who say that the wedding is for the family, the parents, and whoever else, but I'm starting to think that sort of thinking can be strangling.

So, onward!  It is what it is and while there will be plenty to do in the next few weeks, I also plan to keep reconnecting with Teri and reminding myself of all the gooey reasons we are taking this path.  At the core of the whole thing will be her and I and the strength and fit of our commitment. Whew!  Just in time too because all that guilt and obligation was getting exhaustingly heavy!

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