Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we were going to do anyway --Isabelle Holland
I may remember this stage of Wedding Planning Land as the Guilt Stage. Actually, I think it is a magnification of overall repetitive guilt I am dealing with on multiple levels in life. I have never been a guilt-free-do-what-I-want-recklessly sort of person which, of course, means I am envious as hell of those who are able to do that (and I get pretty crabby because it generally means that someone else is picking up the slack.) I do try for balance at this stage in the game, but with the Wedding stuff, guilt abounds.
Teri and I registered at Target a few months ago because supposedly Target liked the Gays. Well, Target doesn't like the Gays anymore, nor unions, nor supposedly anything else good and holy in the world of progressives. So, now I feel pangs of guilt: should we go Gaga and pull out of our relationship with Target? Will people assume that we are either politically ignorant or subversively supporting the store with our participation? I'm too darn tired to re-do all that and dammit, we thought Target liked the Gays!
Meanwhile, if we use anything paper and plastic, will we invite the wrath of our recycling fanatical friends? How much paper, plastic, wood, food, etc. can we get away with using? How much work and effort must we put into keeping the Wedding Carbon Footprint low to alleviate the guilt I feel? Re-usable, re-cyclable, re-claimable, re-gurgitated--we are not without sensitivity to this and I'm feeling guilty every time I consider the extra printing, paper and shrink wrap we have encouraged.
I've already spent far too much blogging air time on the guest list dilemma but needless to say, the realities of that are hovering over like a great, soppy guilt cloud. I am sure there are people who we've invited who don't want to come or care a hoot and meanwhile there are others who are already letting us know that feelings are hurt and expectations are dashed. Crap. On a Cracker. This do-no-harm and travel lightly (with no carbon) attempt at life is exhausting!
My guilt dance card is full: Privilege guilt? Check! Excluding guilt? Check! Obligation guilt? Check! Distraction guilt? Check! Annoyance, Judgment and Desire to Make it All About Us guilt? Check! Check! Check!