The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

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Thursday, June 9, 2011

Perimenopausal Brides

I suppose I have danced around the elephant in the room long enough. The truth is, part of my pre-wedding craziness is personality, part of it is self-imposed, and, well, a big part of it I am attributing to the hormonal chaos that is perimenopause. There, I've said it. And I'm not going to take it back!

Teri and I both remember ourselves being much easier going 25 years ago when we each got married for the first time--and she happened to be pregnant at the time (pregnant=hormones).  I was just terribly young and it seemed a bit of a lark.  Not so much this time around.  While I might be a confident grown-up at this stage in my life, I am also one who spends some days teetering on the hot-flash-impatient-night-sweat-annoyed-can't sleep-WTF edge.  Oh yes!  Fortunately, most days, Teri and I take turns with our perimenopausal ways--otherwise the house could implode.

We have both been known to eat a half-gallon of ice cream while recounting a tale of how we nearly gave a snarky teenage sales clerk the shaken baby syndrome over poor customer service.  And there are days when we have each been ready to set fire to everything in our closet (the clothes are all ugly and feel gross), quit our jobs (the morons), discard all our friends (seriously?  can't she ever be on time?!) and create an entire seven course meal completely out of chocolate.  It happens, we're embracing the rights of passage at middle age because we've earned them, but that doesn't necessarily make for a smooth and uneventful life.  Perfect time to plan a wedding don't you think?

Life is irregular, our periods are irregular, our appetites, moods and energy levels are irregular.  And yet I find the fact that we get each other is incredibly helpful. Since we are so close in age, we are compadres on this lumpy, bumpy perimenopausal ride.  There are differences, of course, since we are each putting our individual spin on it, but it is nice to not have to say anything other than "I can't explain why I am so crabby" or "I'm working on three crappy hours of sleep here" and know that the other one knows exactly where one's coming from!

We are able to joke, tease and appease each other as only the empathetic can.  There is compassion with the fact that some nights one of us needs the hint of a sheet for cover while the other wants the full comforter Monty.  The next night, it might be totally switched. I remember over ten years ago, I had a boss who also happened to be a lesbian and she and her partner were in their late forties/early fifties and both going through "the change."  I asked her what that was like: "What is it like for two women going through all that together?" I guess the universe thought it would be a fun idea to let me experience the answer to that one myself!

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