The amazing story of two 40-something women on the path to matrimonial bliss

It just keeps getting better...

Thursday, May 19, 2011


I am beating myself up a little over this but I'm going to confess how lately, there has been a lacking--okay maybe not a lacking, but I have felt the need for a little thanks, a little appreciation, just a smidge of that intoxifying validation...

Can I get a gold star?  One?  One a day?  I realize it is silly and completely un-grown-up of me.  I also realize that just doing the deal as I used to say with my kids should be enough, but isn't.

I understand why fundamentalist religious sects focus on and invent pending judgment days--they want some validation!  The idea that the Great Being is going to choose them and give them accolades and rewards for putting up with the tedious, troubling and downright painful process that can be every-day life is a great motivator.  Who doesn't want to be chosen?  Paraded down puffy cloud aisles draped in gilded robes?  Okay, maybe I am not craving that much validation--a hand-written "thank you" note might suffice for me right now.

Without some validation, there is a tendency to feel taken advantage of, unappreciated, and to only hear the criticism and requests.  I know that by the time a gal gets to be my age, she should be able to invent her own validation or to at least rise above the invented need for any sort of outside kudos--but I am not quite there yet in my personal evolutionary process.

I have taken on a great deal and that is no one's fault but my own. And, if truth be told, I didn't take it on for any other reasons than a. it seemed to be what the universe requested and b. a person needs to have a mission to do all she can, and c. a gal has to do something.  There has never been any previous desire for external validation--I actually prefer toiling away behind the scenes.  I think most of us try to do the right thing as we see fit just because; I think many of us try to do our best and do as little harm as possible (at least that is what I like to believe about people.)

So, I'm at this place.  I think people get burned out when there is a complete lack of validation.  It can be hard to see the forest for the trees when one is plodding along taking care of business and picking up pieces and making plans and taking care of details.  Maybe the lesson is to say "thank you" to someone every day?  Kudos offered, appreciation shared, little rewards and tokens of Woot!  Woot! given whenever possible?  Just because we are grown-ups doesn't mean we don't need the occasional metaphorical gold star!

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