Thursday, May 12, 2011
Three Months and Counting...
While at work yesterday, I was participating in a morning meeting and for part of the meeting we were looking ahead to events, activities and calendar dates to make sure that everything that we needed to cover and be a part of with our programs and staff, we would be. It just so happens that our wedding coincides with the Eugene Pride celebration (why Eugene holds their Pride event in August instead of June like everyone else is fodder for another blog). I've known this for a while and actually sent around an email to staff a few months ago letting them know that we'd need to make a plan for staffing our involvement in this event that didn't involve me because I'd be getting married!
What seemed both ordinary and revolutionary is that we were discussing this around a table at a program meeting: "We can still do the booth and go to Kori's and Teri's wedding--we just might be hot and sweaty!" and "We can get volunteers to help staff the booth (Teri and I did an all-day stint last year)." As I have said before, I feel incredibly blessed to be not only out at work, but to also be able to have it normalized in such an obvious way. It is not lost on me that while we were discussing how to work with and around my summer same-sex wedding plans at work, there are people in Uganda trying to torture and kill people who are even closeted, hidden or suspected homosexuals.
Teri is also very out at work and being able to share the pending wedding with her coworkers has added a layer of fun and normalcy for her as well. Her coworkers offer advice, supplies and relish in keeping up with how the plans are going. For a het couple, this might be par for the course, but we are not taking any of it for granted! We are well aware (because we see and hear the homophobic rhetoric every day too) how many people are determined to make sure that same sex couples and their families continue to be discriminated against, feel unsafe, and have their love and commitment ignored. It is a strange border-land to be living in.
As I've mentioned before, neither Teri or I ever thought we'd get married again after regrouping from our first ones. For various reasons, some of them because of DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and the other anti-equality efforts and others because of our own wariness at finding a partner with whom we would want to commit for the rest of our lives and being able to merge lives, families, etc., we didn't exactly plan for a mid-life wedding. Now, with only three months to go before our "big day" there is much to do and much to feel grateful for, but things are in no way ideal. For every congratulation we receive, there are at least as many comments. legislation and hate crimes to counter the inevitable progress. The strange thing is, it is just so easy to treat our wedding as a normal, typical and wonderful event for many of the rather ordinary people we know. In the end, I can't help but think of the question from a 6 year-old a few weeks ago who, upon meeting Teri and I asked "Are you two going to get married?" Without blinking an eye, Teri answered "As a matter of fact, we are and in just a few months!"